I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
