I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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