Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
