Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
