before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
