Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
