I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
