I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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