Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
