You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
