I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
