Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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