I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
