As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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