i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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