Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
