Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
