you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
