Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
