thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
