You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
