When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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