You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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