2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
