What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need to calm my uterus...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
