I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
