...so i touched it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
