we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Michael Bay diarrhea
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
