Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
