I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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