yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
