Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
