plz talk dirty to me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize