quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Even the bartender felt bad for me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
