I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
