We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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