I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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