It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
