just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
