also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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