apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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