I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize