There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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