I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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