In the future we'll all be gay
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
