I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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