I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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