is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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