she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
