but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
