i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
