If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
