I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
