You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
