First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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