he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
