I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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