Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
