I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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