I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
