I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
