then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
