my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love you.
Bad choice
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