I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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