Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize