i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
