i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
