Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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