Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
