I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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